Here is a break from self exploring and editing and re editing and re editing. Here is a text written following the pattern of the script of Forced Entertainment in SPEAK BITTERNESS. Written at once, never been edited. Using their organs for new production and reflection. Maybe I just need a break from repeatedly saying I, I, I, I. Can I rest for a bit in the safety of being a WE?

We saw SPEAK BITTERNESS by Forced Entertainment in 2014, in Berlin. We remember everything the bike ride there, the waiting for the performance to start, the cigaret just before. We entered a space where six performers were already on stage. We sat pretty much in the front so we could see their faces. We could see them coming and confessing one at a time. We heard a lot. “We confess to fraud. We are guilty of homemade bombs and homemade wine. We ate the last cookie.” We think that we equals me plus you plus them. We think that Austin would talk about the performativity of words, what they do, what the confessing does, we wonder if confessing a crime is in some sort of way committing it. How about the spectator getting inspired by the the crime we confess and going home and copying it? We are thinking what Butler would say. Where is the gender gender gender gender in all these ? What gender does the we have what gender does the we perform? We are thinking of what Brecht would say, distancing the audience, political work “everything is political” we are wondering what happened to the fourth wall after all, who is the performer, only the six of them or are we also the we that are guilty of homemade bombs and homemade wine, we that ate the last cookie how did they know we ate the last cookie, are they watching us at home?stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop taaaaaaaaake a breaaaaaath. We are George Bush because the we can name names and we started the war in Iraq we are American we are George Bush and we really really really do not want to be George Bush. We are old very old so very old we invented fire we are monolithic, neolithic, protolithic, avant garde, we are post modern, post human, we are postmen, we are family men we are cheating family men we have phalluses we have power we look ourselves in the mirror for the first time and we have a phallus, oh yes finally we have a phallus so we are strong we are so strong we can burn villages and kill cities. We are cruel, we are the protagonists of the theatre of cruelty we are Antonin Artaud and we are cruel, we look at ourselves from the stage all the way down, we are in an orgy of confessions we are not stopping we will not stop until six hours have passed, we will not have fireworks or an escalated ending we will just end we will finish we will use our last chance to confess and then we will leave we will go home or in our case we will leave earlier one and half hour after the start because we are expected for Indian food and supermarket beers, we have to go we have to eat we have to get drunk we have to be multi, ultra, extra, meta, uber, super, drunk. We are strolling drunk in the streets of Berlin and at the same time we are still in the performance space we are still confessing we ate rotten food and we slept straight after sex. We are thinking of what Schechner would say “ to see things as performance” we see everything as performance we see the performance as performance and the performance text as our lives performance we are forming an identity we participate we think this is a participatory performance even though we didn’t move from our chairs even though we didn’t mix with the audience we didn’t let the audience speak we speak we constantly SPEAK BITTERNESS, we are politicians, we are secretaries, we are bureaucratic guinea pigs we are George Bush, we burn villages, we rape, we repeat, we repeatedly repeat patterns we perform everydayness we love Richard Schechner (even though he already said everything we will ever think of saying) we love Brecht (even though we don’t really know him) we love ancient greek theatre (even though we are greek and it’s such a cliche) we are hungry we wore t-shirts that said we love New York on them we love New York we hate, we can’t stand New York we are desperate for a review we need to re and re and re and re view the same event to understand what we think about it, we think together we form an identity we are constantly trying to grasp our identity which one of us will actually have sex with him tonight? We have sex we form identities we think of him, the other, the big Other, Zizek oops we did it again we know what oops means for Zizek, a word to make the other aware that we know that what we did is stupid. Oops we ate the last cookie, oops we burned a village. We are the big Other we are Lacan and the big Other we cannot stop now we will only stop when six hours have passed and even then we won’t stop we will keep confessing and we will keep committing crimes we will kill you we will confess that we killed you and just like that we will be clean we will not clean we will leave stains of red wine we will propose that the only way to get red wine out of a shirt is by pouring white wine over it we will throw white wine we will throw white wine to Sarah Kane because she spoke to us in the first person as if she knew us and we will throw white wine to Forced Entertainment because they spoke to us as if they knew us they stole our lives they screamed our secrets they know we scream other people’s secrets too they know we love Richard. We are angry because they used our secrets as Duchamp’s ready-mades they turned our love for Richard into a urinal and then they peed all over our love for Richard. We read and we read and we learned terms like iterability and différance and Derrida and blabloubla and we know Lacan we are Lacan we only care about the phallus we no longer say dick or cock now we only say phallus we stopped saying pussy and vagina now we only say vulva now we know how to differentiate we are masters we are doing our masters we will be masters and we still won’t be able to write an academic text.